Saturday, October 2, 2010

Letter From A Battered Woman

Here is a letter from a battered woman:

Please do not judge domestic violence victims. They may have to pay with their lives.

Dear court personnel, police personnel, domestic violence advocates, judges, attorneys, friends and family:

Please do not judge me. Please do not ask me why I stay. Please do not say that you will never let a man do this to you. You just do not understand my world and me. You do not understand how difficult my life is and you do not understand that I am looking to you for support and help.

Please try to understand my life is in constant turmoil. My life is not my own and I did not choose this life. (Even though you might think that I have created this abuse.) I choose to love someone who believes that he is entitled by society, family or heritage to treat me this way. He also believes that he will never be accountable for his actions or behavior. I am looking to you for help and support.

Here is my life. Daily, I am faced with mood swings and contempt. In fact, I most of the time, I am not even sure what “crime” I committed to deserve this abuse. So, every day, I walk on eggs hoping and praying that I will do everything in my life right and answer correctly if asked a question and respond immediately when I get a request. Yet, in this man’s mind, I am ALWAYS wrong and that is his reason for abusing me. If only I paid the bills right (I never got a late notice) or kept the house clean (Everyone comments they do not know how my house is so spotless), then he would not have to react this way. If only I did not behave like a child, then he would not have to punish me. I am looking to you for help and support.

Let’s talk about when things get tough. When the violence begins to escalate here is what I am faced with. I am the ruination of my teenage daughter because I did not agree with HIS child-rearing position. (She is 17 with a 3.9 index and applying to Ivy League schools.) I am “reaping what I sow” because my 2 year old son is throwing a temper tantrum. I cannot drive HIS car because I only know how to trash things. (I have been in one car accident as a result of weather conditions).   His version of comprise is doing it his way and agreeing with him 100% and never asking him for anything because he has given me such a wonderful life. I am looking to you for help and support.

I can tell you that this man is a pillar of the community. He is educated and well liked and the judge and court personnel probably think that I am abusing the system. I can tell you that I am not. I am also an educated professional. (I could be your neighbor, your child’s friend’s mother or your co-worker) I am trying to be safe and stay alive. I am staying with him with a broken spirit, low self-esteem and no confidence because I want my children to have a mother. I am looking to you for help and support.

So I am asking you to be compassionate and open minded when I come file a complaint or ask the judge for a restraining order. If I withdraw the complaint, it is under duress and constant pressure. I really do not want to face him in the courtroom because I will have to pay for it later.  I may have to pay with my life. I am looking to you for help and support.


A battered woman

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  In order to actively support this cause, I initiated a  nationwide event called BloggersUnite for Domestic Violence Awareness Month to promote writers and bloggers to bring awareness to a very important cause.

I don't know how many times I have heard the phrases, "It could never happen to me" or "I would have left a long time ago".  In fact, I was one of those women saying those very same things.  However, I never knew how bad my reaction would be once I got pushed or smacked around the first time around.

If you or someone that you know are a victim of domestic violence, I encourage you to seek some help or help that person.  There is no such thing as "he loves me", especially when he or she, is hurting you.  

Violence is not love and is definitely not the answer.  You can't truly love someone until you learn to love yourself.  

If you are in danger, please use a safer computer, or call 911, your local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. -G. K. Chesterton


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