Monday, September 20, 2010

A Woman's Vocabulary - A Translation Guide for Men

Lately, I have been having a lot of "women are from Venus" and "men are from Mars" conversations.  My female friends are saying that they do not understand men and my men friends are saying that they do not understand females.  A friend e-mailed this to me and it was just too funny (and true) not to post.  It's meant for giving men an idea what we really mean when we say things. 

FINE
Women say this word at the end of any argument in which we feel is right, but need you to shut you up.  We say this because we don't want to keep going through the same thing over and over again.

FIVE MINUTES 
This means will be ready in half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING                                                                              
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)                                     
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".  This also means that you are about to get your behind kicked if you don't back off.

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)                                            
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH                                                                          
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH                                                                           
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

OH                                                                                         
This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead-in to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and a "Go ahead," followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

THAT'S OKAY                                                                       
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before visiting on you major retribution and tribulations for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO                                                                          
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS                                                                                
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT                                                                    
This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I don't know who originally came up with this list, but it is so true.  Below are some more key phrases and their meanings:
  • It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
  • Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
  • We need to talk = I need to complain.
  • Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
  • I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
  • You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
  • Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
  • How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
  • I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
  • You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
  • Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
  • I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.
  • The same old thing = Nothing
  • Nothing = Everything
  • Everything = My PMS is acting up.
  • Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a jerk. 
Please comment to this blog.  
I am very interested in your comments.  
Does any of these phrases sound familiar?

ALSO, CHECK OUT THESE 
BELOW BOOKS FROM AMAZON.  
THEY ARE SOME GREAT GUIDES.
If Only He Knew: What No Woman Can ResistFor Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of WomenDiscovering The Mind Of A Woman: The Key To Becoming A Strong And Irresistible Husband Is...Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex


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