Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Characteristics Of A "Sometimes" Friend

Beginning at a very young age, you begin to learn the value of a “true” friend and understand the importance of knowing the difference between your enemies and your friends. During elementary school, you made new friends, sat with each other during lunch, and had sleepovers. In high school, you and your friends participated in similar extracurricular activities and shared secrets. Having friends, whether it is five, ten, or just one is very important in your life. You simply need to know who your true friends are.

As you get older, you give your friends labels. You may call them best friend, associate, or a “sometimes” friend. Best friends are hard to come by and are good to have in your life. An associate is a person who is not your enemy that you just so happen to know and may hang out with or talk too occasionally. However, the types of friends we all need to watch out for are the “sometimes” friends. With an enemy, you at least know that they are your enemy. However, with a “sometimes” friend the pain that it can cause in that relationship is so much deeper than you may have imagined.

The term "sometimes friend" almost seems contradictory in nature. Why would someone want to be friends with someone who has a bi-polar view on being an actual friend? I remember watching the movie Some Kind of Wonderful" and at the last scene the girl said, "I would rather be alone for the right reasons then with someone for the right." I would rather be right. I prefer a “sometimes” friend to avoid me and to disconnect me from all of my social networks than to actually be fake and phony around me.  Here is 5 ways to tell whether you have a "sometimes" friend:

1.  Self-Beneficial - The "sometimes" friend only calls or want you around when it is benefiting them.  They are the "Can you do this?", "I need you to do this", or "Can I borrow this?" type of friend.  Yet, when the tables are turned and you actually need someone this type of friend is incognito.

2.  Jealous of Other Friends - The "sometimes" friend is often jealous of other friends or new relationships that may enter your life.  Even though they often are off doing their own thing, they are resentful of the fact that you have new friends or relationships in your life.  They guilt you into feeling like they are either losing you as a friend or you don't value the friendship.

3.  Breaking dates or consistently running late:  If you look at these behaviors objectively, it represents a sign of disrespect.  Would you accept or tolerate this type of behavior from a stranger or anyone else that you didn't consider a quote-on-quote so-called friend?  If not, why would you accept this behavior from anyone else? 

4.  Is like a vampire:  Do you always feel emotionally, physically, or psychically drained after spending time with a particular person?  Do you feel like your own energy has been sucked dry?  The theory is that if you have with eagles, you soar like eagles.  If you have with negative, unhappy, or angry people, it is quite possible that you are unconsciously mirroring these behaviors.

5.  Have Your Back - If you were in trouble or danger, will this person have your back?  If you needed a shoulder to lean on, will this person tell you that you are hurting their shoulder or simply give you the other one to learn on? 

In essence, a friendship can be defined as an authentic, reciprocal relationship with someone you can talk to, depend upon, and have truly regarded with affection and trust.  If some of the relationships that you are in are less than genuine, perhaps its time to reassess the relationship and acknowledge that you, indeed, need to let them go.

Keep away from those who try to belittle you or you know are toxic.  Small people always do that.  The reality is that you can do so much better.  It will hurt a little.  However, if you have "sometimers" in your life, it will hurt even more.


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